


I Will Never Forgive You

by whoneedsapublisher



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, death ideation, not QUITE suicide ideation but like emotions adjacent to it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 21:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30011121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoneedsapublisher/pseuds/whoneedsapublisher
Summary: Sometimes, kindness is the deepest act of cruelty that you could perform.
Relationships: Akemi Homura/Miki Sayaka
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	I Will Never Forgive You

Homura was standing upright.

It seemed impossible. Not only was she alive, she was barely even injured. After the battle where she should have died.

On the other hand, the girl that saved her wasn’t as lucky, leaning on her for support. Not for long, though. Her wounds were already healing. That was her magic, after all.

Homura had not spent time planning for the future beyond the loops. Why should she? Perhaps at first, in the first few loops, she’d believed that she could just save Madoka easily and then continue on living as her friend afterward. But as she learned more about magical girls and grew more distant with the naive girl who meant everything to her, yet couldn’t even remember Homura’s name until she was introduced again in that classroom, that hope faded. She’d already given up her life for her wish. All that mattered was fulfilling it. What came after wasn’t worth thinking about. There was nothing there for her.

So when her years in the loop had come to an end and her time travel power had vanished, she found herself at a loss. Without any other options, she did the only thing she had left to her: she fought. It wasn’t a world she loved. It wasn’t even a world she really liked. But it was the world that Madoka had given herself up to save, so Homura would protect it.

But she was too used to her old powers. She might have a new weapon, but she couldn’t stop time any more. And so she’d gotten herself into a bad situation, surrounded by too many wraiths to take out, with no way to escape

In that moment, she’d accepted her death. Truthfully, she’d welcomed it. Finally, her struggle was over. She’d burn out all of her magic, and then she’d be able to meet Madoka again, at last. No more wandering in this world that was so empty for her.

So she’d unleashed her magic, blasting at the wraiths around her with giant arrows as they closed in on her. And just as her soul gem began to flicker, and the remaining wraiths drew closer…

That was when Sayaka appeared.

Sayaka, who had given her grief cubes. Sayaka, who had defeated the remaining wraiths. Sayaka, who had been injured in the process, covered in cuts and dripping with blood.

“...Why did you interfere?”

Sayaka was already straightening up, the last of her cuts mending themselves.

“Interfere?” Sayaka asked, giving her a lopsided and weary grin. “Most people would call it “saving you”.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

Sayaka sighed, putting her hands behind her head and kicking her foot as she spun on her heel, not meeting Homura’s eyes. “I just didn’t wanna see you die, that’s all.”

“...Then you could have looked the other way.”

Sayaka laughed. “Jeez, you’re not very grateful, huh?” she shrugged her shoulders casually, still facing away from her. “That’s not what I mean. I don’t want you to die, Homura. Even if I don’t see it in the moment.”

“You have no reason to care if I live or die,” Homura said coldly. She hadn’t bothered building relationships with anyone in this world. Why should she? None of them would ever understand. None of them remembered Madoka. None of them even understood Madoka’s sacrifice. Things were just the way they had always been, as far as they knew.

“Of course I do,” Sayaka said, softly. “Since I love you.”

Homura’s heart clenched in her chest. The words settled onto her shoulders like a yoke, crushing her under their weight. They were too heavy. There was too much behind them. Too much investment in a person like her.

“I’m not comfortable being loved,” she said, the words slipping from her lips before she could alter them, before she could shape them into daggers to drive Sayaka away. They spilled forth unrefined, raw with the pain that made them.

“That’s really sad,” Sayaka said, her voice melancholy. “Tragic, even.”

She turned back to face Homura, looking at her over her shoulder, and the pain in her sad little smile was deeper than it had been when she was cut to ribbons by wraiths. “But me too.”

She laughed again, but there wasn’t even the suggestion of mirth in it. It was a sad thing, mocking herself more than anything else. “I was so glad when you didn’t say you loved me too, do you know that?” she said. “Isn’t that messed up? The fact that you don’t even like me makes it so much easier.” She gripped her shoulder tightly. “I only… I only survived that last fight when I was still working with Mami and Kyouko because I found out the secret. You know already, don’t you? That… we’re already dead. That our soul gem is the only part of us that’s real anymore.”

She looked up at the sky, closing her eyes. “So it’s easier if I don’t have to think about whether I can be loved. Whether it’s okay for someone to settle for something like me. So… I’m sorry. But I’m going to love you one-sidedly for a while.”

Homura stared at the back of Sayaka’s head. At this girl who had held her at sword point. Who had turned into a witch and tried to kill her so many times. That she’d shot, that she’d blown up, that she’d killed when she’d fallen and become a witch. At this girl who had stopped her from meeting Madoka again. And then chained her down with her heavy words.

“Sayaka Miki...” she said, closing her eyes. “You saved me.”

She opened her eyes and glared at her savior.

“And I will never forgive you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Very directly inspired by the inline art by Vivid Grim.


End file.
